This is an ad I did for Blind Billy’s Discount Blinds and Window Treatments. I kept my mouth shut on this one and cashed my check. By all accounts his store was pretty successful and wound up basically being a really cheap Kohl’s.
Advertising
Lycra Bustier Handbags, Footwear, and Cats, Unlimited LC.
Thanks to Web 2.0 and other hmtls, I am finally able to embark on three dreams I’d heretofore found unattainable due to total lack of all requisite skills.
Keep an eye out for my upcoming line of designer handbags:
Comfortable and affordable footwear for any season or occasion:
And brand new cat breeds that will jumpstart your YouTube careers and more:
Daniel Valenswine’s Holiday Pig Farm
This is an ad I did for DV Pigs, Inc., a hog concern in Iowa that formerly sold piglets to men desperately searching fro the perfect Valentine’s Day gift. The operation was shut down by the USDA after it was discovered the piglets being sold were actually hairless French bulldogs riddled with contagious skin parasites.
Dylan #2
This is the second thing I’ve done for this cult. It’s presumably a warning to its adherents to get a cleansing with No More Tears shampoo. I charged double since I’m effectively doing ad work for two products.
Sagal’s Kegels
Low profile kegel weight advertisement, 1990
Thanksgiving 1991, Americans for Protein Alternatives
During the early 90s there was a brief fad of “alternative proteins.” The APA tried to get people to eat things like snake, raccoon, macaque, and even box turtles, which we marketed to replace turkeys. It didn’t catch on, but I do recall being invited to a Passover seder where the Z’roa, or lamb shank, was replaced with egret.
Dylan
I’m currently working on an ad campaign for this really interesting self-help organization. I’m not sure if the client is, like, the baby in the image below, but I know I write “our dylan” on all their invoices and an adult man in a business suit wearing a diaper (like, outside…over his slacks) picks up the artwork and pays me.
NoNoKitty Flier
Client: PantherCorp
Date: 1997
Campaign: promotion for NoNoKitty combo spritzer-personal massager. Ostensibly this thing was used to dissuade cats from interrupting…a person’s personal time.
One-Hit Kick Sport Ad
Not my best work, but the clients loved it.
Client: One-Hit Kick Sport Association of Florida
Date: 2000
Campaign: Promoting the long-standing and vicious rivalry between the Crazy Town Butterflies and the White Town Women.
2000
Valloweastermas Promotional Flier
Client: Candy Efficiency Council
Year: 1997
Campaign: Valloweastermas, combining all four candy-intensive holidays into one, cost-effective celebration
1997
